“Your faith can move mountains, and your doubt can create them.”
It’s the quote that generated after doing one of those little Facebook tests. My quote for 2017, I think, that I clicked on out of boredom shortly after the new year.
Silly? Yes, but oh so fitting. Even before this decision to be a full on writer, I knew doubt was one of my biggest vices. I have this quote posted at the top a big white-board in my kitchen, to inspire me, although I didn’t really believe I would need it. My life was going pretty smoothly at that point in time. God has a sense of humor.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe in God’s calling on my life. I believe and stand firm in the commitment I made to you. I believe in God for his provision. I believe when he says, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20 NIV)
So why is it that every morning when I wake up, I go into a slight panic mode at the prospect of leaving the traditional workforce to write full-time? Why do I question that decision every single day? Why do I have to ask , “God, are you sure you want me to do this?” each morning, waiting before writing my first word to hear his gentle confirmation?
I feel like Peter, when he saw Jesus walking on the water and was called to go to him. I’m stepping out of the boat. But the waves (and by waves I mean bills) are overwhelming, the wind, the whispers of those who have seen me try and fail too many times to take me seriously, its whipping and whistling distracts me from the One who is calling me.
Every day I step out of that boat, and every day I let the wind and waves terrify me.
Today, as I spent my quiet time with God, I was gently reminded of when Jesus called his disciples. In Luke 5:1-11, the fishermen were washing their nets and ready to go home. They had nothing to show for the day and were, no doubt, tired and frustrated. When Jesus told Simon to lower his nets into the water again, I’m sure a small (or maybe large) part of him thought Jesus was crazy. After all, however charismatic the man may be, what did he know about fishing? Maybe he did it out of respect, maybe he subconsciously knew there was more to this man than meets the eye, or maybe he was too tired to argue, but whatever the reason, Simon obeyed, and lowered the nets.
It was a mustard seed. A tiny step of faith to trust this stranger. And that step of faith was all Jesus wanted to see. There were suddenly so many fish, the boat practically sank. (I always picture Jesus with a slight smirk on his face here, although I’m 99.9% positive I’m wrong. Still, whenever I read the story, I see the smirk.)
I’ve tried blogging before, and never got very far. I’m terrible at marketing. (Don’t believe me? Check out my Facebook page. The struggle is real.) I’m not a salesman by any stretch of the imagination. I’m no good at website design (hence the reason I sit here today). I don’t even think I’m that good of a writer! And I want to blog???
I have none of these things. But I have a command, a calling embedded into my soul. I have the ability to trust that calling. I have the ability to obey.
I can let down my nets.
Because I too, am a fisher of men.
Clearly faith is a big subject for me right now. What I hope is that my honesty about my doubts and my mustard seed of faith will inspire you to take that step of faith as well. I pray that my ridiculous anxiety over this helps you as you overcome yours.
Take that step of faith with me today.
Let down your nets.
You can trust the One who calls you.