Confession. I cannot, for the life of me, work the stupid Xbox controller. The reason is a complete mystery, not only to me, but to my family as well. They watch me throw a tantrum and yell at the console as the buttons refuse to do what I want, when I want it. It’s not because I’m technologically challenged, I swear! The PS4 controller is my friend. Complicated smart remotes, a breeze. But that stupid XBox controller? No dice.
Sunday mornings are sacred in my house. Not because it’s the Sabbath or because we go to church. Yes, those things are sacred, but what I hold dear is hanging out, all four of us in our jammies, chatting about whatever, laughing, and most importantly, munching on the massive buffet of breakfast extravaganza that I always cook up on Sundays. Bacon, eggs, home fries, biscuits, waffles, fruit. It’s breakfast, lunch and dinner, and we just nibble on it throughout the day. I love to cook, and our Sunday breakfast is something I look forward to making all week.
However awesome it is, it’s also time-consuming to make. I’m quite unorganized so whatever time frame you are thinking this might take, double it. So, to keep all this cooking fun and not chore-like and frustrating, I jam to music. Singing and dancing included. As you know, I’ve committed myself to adding in more godly, Christ-centered music (see My Playlist VS Obedience), and what better day to practice that than Sunday?
I rarely listen to Pandora, as I’m partial to Amazon music, and as such do not have the app on my phone. (I listen to my music on my phone via bluetooth) But I know I have lots of Christian stations saved on there from using it in previous years. So, instead of bothering with downloading the app, signing in and all that inconvenient nonsense, I decided to open the app on XBox. Our living room TV is just steps away from the kitchen so it would be perfect to turn on Pandora and listen to my already saved, godly christian music stations.
If only I could work the stupid Xbox controller.
I turned it on. Good.
Instead of opening the main menu, it opened For Honor, the game Justin is currently obsessed with.
Ok, no biggie, hit B for back.
It doesn’t go back. It opens Netflix. Grrr.
Ok, hit B again. It asks me to sign into one of the accounts. Fine.
I sign into my Xbox account. Why on earth did I make the password so long? I spell it wrong. Grrr. Re-enter the password. Got it.
Waiting, waiting….I’m in. Now where’s Pandora?
Justin has the Elite controller, which has extra buttons on the back. As if I need to complicate this more. I of course accidentally hit one of said buttons.
The chat menu in Justin’s account pops up. What?!
Sign back into my account. Finally. I’m at the main menu. No Pandora.
I’m scrolling through recently used apps. Netflix, Slime Ranchers, Amazon Video, You Tube, Star Wars Battlefront, Crimson Dragon…..No Pandora.
Halle uses it all the time, it should be here!
Heavy sigh. Hit B for back. It signed me out.
Sign back in, holding back cuss words now.
I will have to go to the main app menu and find it. Wherever that is.
I’m scrolling through all the options in the sidebar, lost. I’m mad now, yelling at Xbox to Open Pandora. Did not recognize command. Of course.
Where is the effing app menu!!!!
Justin now rushes to the rescue of his prized controller before I throw it across the room. It’s right here, he explains, with a calmness that makes me want to punch him in the face. You have to hit…noooo. Hit A . There. In the top left hand corner. See where it says “My games and apps”. No. No. Keep scrolling through. No go back.
Eventually, I got Pandora up.
I typed in Third Day in the search bar. The picture for that station popped up by time I got to “THIR”. I tried to leave the keyboard. I moved the joystick up. Stuck. Hit B. Took me out of Pandora.
Again, Justin, irritatingly calm, Hold on, all you have to do is…
But I was done. I slammed the remote into his hand and walked away.
After I calmed down a bit, we laughed about it. “The Xbox controller is evil!” I joked, “It turns me into an angry psychopath!”
“No” he said, “It makes you like the rest of our generation, impatient and easily angered when the things you want don’t happen immediately.”
For the second time, I wanted to punch him in the face.
But he was right. Everything in our day and age is fast-paced and instantaneous. We purchase or coffee on an app so that we don’t have to wait in line. Or make it in a Keurig so we don’t have to wait for a whole pot to brew. Information on anything we need is at our fingertips with a simple Google inquiry. Heck, we don’t even have to wait to type it out, we can just ask the little speakerphone icon! Our apps send us notifications so we don’t have to remember to work out or read our Bibles. All we have to do is click a button, and voila.
Having everything, all the time, at a moments notice has spoiled us. We don’t want to wait for anything. While I could go on for days about how instant gratification has infected our world in literally every possible way, I felt God speak to me about just one.
My impatience in waiting on him for provision.
This has been a real thorn in my side. I have watched God work incredible miracles in every other area of my life. Things I thought were dead or well on their way to the grave, restored and brought to life. My relationship with God, reaching new heights, my children, blossoming and healing in ways I couldn’t even imagine. God has shown me so much faithfulness as I’ve let go of my own striving in exchange for his peace.
But the bills haven’t stopped just because I’ve had a breakthrough in my walk with God. Watching the healing in my family isn’t buying food or school uniforms. Writing this blog isn’t fixing my flat tire or paying my car payment this month. I am praying for God to open doors of opportunity, whether that means through writing or going back into the workforce, and close doors that are not from him. Every job application denied is a closed door and each time I hear him tell me I’m where I’m supposed to be, but where’s the provision?
When Justin called me out on my childish aggravation and impatience with the Xbox this morning, I felt God saying, You are being just as impatient with my promises. Throwing a temper tantrum, threatening to walk away from my calling on your life, just because things aren’t happening when you want, the way you want. Have I not blessed you in every area of importance in your life? Have I not stretched every dollar thus far? Do you not remember that it was I who brought down the walls of Jericho with nothing but marching and the sound of trumpets? Was it not I who fed thousands of hungry followers with one boy’s meager lunch? Have I not shown you with confirmation after confirmation, miracle after miracle that you are where I want you to be? I know your needs! I will be your provider! Be patient and wait on me. I need you to trust me.
Ok God, here I am.
Waiting. Hopefully, expectantly, and most of all thankfully.
What is God asking you to wait on him for today? Are you trusting him with a thankful heart? Or impatiently demanding your way, your time?