This post was originally published on HolyLemonade.blogspot.com.
I originally started a blog on WordPress.org a few years ago called Holy Lemonade. As life would have it, I was unable to pay for the hosting and domain and I lost all of my hard work. There’s probably a way to recover these posts, but at the time, I was frustrated and gave up. In 2015, I decided to try again, this time on the free platform, Blogger. I noticed the other day I was getting new likes on the Holy Lemonade Facebook page (which I keep deleting, yet is still there). I didn’t think any of the post links worked anymore, but I clicked on one and apparently, my Blogger account is still working. I had published 3 posts there before I started working two jobs again and just didn’t have time to write. So I’m going to re-post them here and delete the account.
Because I think it’s interesting to see where I was two years ago, and how that compares to where I’m at now. Reading these posts was an incredible reminder that the call God has for my life is real, and has been there for quite some time. It sort of diminished some doubts that were beginning to rise. Anyway, here’s Drowning in Fear, from 4/23/15.
Read Matthew 14:22-33
God has called me to write. I know it. I’ve known it for a some time, but I feel like life has set me up for disaster. I am a single mom, the only provider, in the process of moving to a new city, jobless, and with a far less than fantabulous resume. So I’m like, ok God, is writing supposed to be my job? Do I just write and trust you to be my provider?
No answer. Love when he does that.
So, I look to scripture. There is an overwhelming amount of scripture that promises God’s provision in our lives, but in particular, I looked to Matthew 6:31-33. I am seeking God’s Kingdom first, so yeah, scripture supports this theory. I write my butt off, God provides my needs. Trust and obey. Simple right?
I sit down to write, dreaming of becoming the next Lysa Terkeurst or Renee Swope (amazing women, please check out the links to their blogs). Nothing. Not a single thought. Writers block on steroids. For days. And days. Finally, I’m like ok God, what’s the deal? Am I wrong? Am I not supposed to write? Am I just freezing up because my kids’ future is at stake here? Maybe I am just supposed to write as a side gig? I panic and worry and apply for a million jobs (instead of writing) and lay awake at night wondering how this light yoke I’m supposed to be carrying turned into a ton of bricks flying at my head.
Can you relate? Have you ever felt called to do something but it just didn’t go anything like you expected it to and instead, became the source of the ulcer eating away at your insides?
It kind of reminds me of Peter when he got out of the boat to walk to Jesus. On water. Crazy right? But he’s like, I got this, I trust Jesus, I believe he is Lord, I know he called me to walk out to him and I’m totally gonna take this step of faith! So he does, he steps out of the boat and actually starts walking on water! Talk about an adrenaline rush! Imagine seeing the immediate effects of your faith like that!
But that’s not all Peter sees…He breaks eye contact with Jesus. As he looks around he sees giant, angry waves crashing around him. He feels the sharp, cold sting of sea spray whipping at his face. He hears the terrible howl of the wind hauntingly forcing him off balance. All of the sudden, that crazy awesome faith runs for the hills and he starts to sink. He sinks in the raging waters, but he also sinks in fear, he sinks in doubt, anxiously fighting to keep his head above water.
Sound familiar? Isn’t that exactly where we tend to find ourselves when God calls us to step out in faith? Drowning in a sea of fear and anxiety? Mad props to Peter for at least getting a few steps in before faltering. I have a tendency to go straight from boat to bottom. I mean, having faith is scary! Keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus and his promises is hard. Really hard! But think about Peter walking on water and what those few that moments must have felt like! That’s how God wants us to live our whole lives feeling! Isn’t is worth it?
I know God has called me to step out in faith and obey him, and I’m certain many of you feel the Spirit nudging you to take steps of faith as well. I’ve stepped out of the boat and said, “Here I am Lord, you need someone to go, I will go.” But I’m looking around at the waves of uncertainty, feeling the sting of fear whipping at my face, hearing the thunderous crash of doubt pounding in my ears. Will I look up and keep my eyes on Jesus? Will you?
I want to bring to your attention real quick that even as Peter was sinking, Jesus grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the danger zone. Peter missed out on the blessing that follows unwavering faith, but his loving Savior still rescued him from drowning. Maybe you feel like you’re drowning in your own sea of fear. All you have to do is reach out your hand…“He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.” Psalm 40:2 ESV. He will not let you down, that’s a promise!
Maybe the thing I get the most excited about is that he doesn’t want us to just experience survival of the elements. He wants us to experience the abundant, miraculous life of total, unwavering faith! Don’t you? I do, but I’ll be honest, I’m terrified! We are moving to a new city and I’m totally on my own. Just me, God and two crazy kids. I have no clue what my future will look like. I don’t know if writing is going to bring in an income or if blogging will be purely a God-ordained hobby. I don’t know how God is going to provide for our needs or where all of this will lead us. But I do know one thing-I am called to write. So I am going to step out of the boat and write. I’m going to learn and grow and obey each step he asks me to take. I’m going to let him take care of the rest. If the words don’t come immediately, I’m going to wait patiently and listen for his leading. And I’m going to challenge you to do the same. What say you? Will you keep your chin up, eyes on Christ, and look forward to the abundant life of faith? Jesus believes in you, I believe in you, and your not alone. I’m right here with you. Come on, let’s do this thing!!!